Words

Some people would say that without family they don't know where they would be. Honestly, I think that holds true for most people. I used to think that held true for me as well, and it does when you talk about my family as my husband and my children. I've learned some things about my not so immediate family that is less then encouraging. I thought after years and years that I had grown numb to the guilt, and that there was no way that the shit that could be said could possibly get to me. I was wrong. I have no patience for two faced people especially two faced family members. It's true what they say that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. I just for once want to be good enough, and not blamed for a past I can do nothing about. We all only live once, and that some people can't live for today but have to continue to live wishing they could change the past blows my mind. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I don't make mistakes, but when I make them at least I acknowledge that I've messed up. 

I am just waiting for my next guilt trip, the next time I'm going to be made to feel bad about a past I can't change. My family comes first it always has and it always will. I don't plan on changing how I parent my kids, just because my parent can't accept the fact that she isn't and wasn't perfect either. I love without bounds, and do the very best that I can with what I have. I really think that's all a parent can do. I hope that when my kids get older and become adults that I learn how to transition to being their parent/friend and not treating them like they are still a child or make them feel bad that they have their own lives. Learning what to do and what not to do by watching others make mistakes is how I've become the Mom that I am right now. I'd like to think that I do a pretty good job, but for that you'd have to ask my kids. 

I hope this fog lifts and I can see the sunshine with unfiltered eyes, and that I can live and appreciate this day as if it were my last. Love with no bounds, and like this is the last day you will get to love. I think if we all said what we thought when we thought it instead of holding it in and letting it fester until we can't hold it in anymore we would be able to enjoy life's relationships better. 

Communication: the ability to convey ones thoughts and feelings in words to another, as well as listen to others thoughts and feelings. Understanding is key to successful communication and one can't communicate effectively without listening and understanding that their feelings are not the only ones that matter in the exchange. It's taken me literally years to learn how to communicate effectively, and I'm still not an expert. I just do the best I can with the skills that I have and hope that it's good enough. For most of the people in my life I do alright, but for some nothing I do will ever be enough. 

Music is great therapy I'm pretty sure that I have music playing from the time I get up till the time I go to bed, if I am home that is. Some songs make you want to dance, others make you want to cry, some even teach us something about ourselves. 

Now to decide, do I sit and wait or speak up and say what is really on my mind. I think I will wait till the first move is made, and then make my move from there. I am better then what I have been reduced to in the past. And with that I'm going to go live a better today!

Enjoying Food Again.

Our society celebrates anything and everything with food. Birthday's is cake and ice cream, Easter is eggs, Thanksgiving turkey and all the fixings and Christmas ham and all the fixings, needless to say we like to eat. Now take it from my point of view a gluten free, oil free, nut free, vegan... who can't eat processed corn or soy, what do I eat on all these above mentioned holidays? Where can I go to get a quick meal? Certainly there is nothing I can eat at Taco Bell, KFC, McDonald's or Burger King. Shoot, I'd be lucky to find something to eat at Applebee's or Chili's restaurants. Eating for me has become a process, buy the vegetables, come home, cook the vegetables, eat them. Now the positive to all of this (I promise this isn't going to be a negative post :)), I have one of the healthiest diets of anyone I know. There are a few things that have helped me through this food grieving process as I've cut and cut and cut things from my diet in order to achieve a quality of living that I'm happy with. It's possible to feel like you are eating a normal meal. I'm sure you are probably thinking, "What on earth does that mean?". I made a spaghetti sauce today that was an adaptation of the McDougall's Maria Lucia sauce and their Fresh Tomato Garlic sauce. It was awesome! Included fresh tomatoes, canned quartered artichoke hearts, mushrooms, onions and spices and guess what I ate it over, half a roasted spaghetti squash. I had 2cups of spring mix topped with a fat free balsamic dressing on the side. It felt like a spaghetti dinner obviously without the bread and heavy pasta, and I'm full. None of that meal was convenient both the sauce and the squash took an hour to cook, but was worth every minute of that cook time to feel like I was eating a "normal" meal. I also realized that if people are willing to put the time and effort into meal preparation that eating the way I do isn't as hard as it sounds, it's just time consuming. Though I do have fast options when I don't have an hour to make an awesome meal like I had today. I can take these handy steam in the bag veggies and pop them in the microwave for 5 minutes (eat the whole bag without guilt) open a can of beans and or microwave a bag of brown rice, add liquid aminos and enjoy. I don't miss the grease that comes along with frying stuff in oil. I don't miss how it made my mouth feel. I used to love chips, ate one the other day and can't stomach them now. They taste like potatoes cooked in motor oil, and how nasty is that. I guess with any diet change comes preference changes, and taste bud changes. I'm happier, healthier and at the lowest weight I can ever remember being in my adult life. I hope I remain feeling this good and the weight continues to come off. I know years from now my body will thank me for the choices I am making now. So please, pass the beans and greens!   

Day 1

I started most all my New Year's changes yesterday, and it went great! I stepped on the scale this morning weighting in at my all time low 128.5 It was an awesome start to 2013. I had mimosa's with my daughter and hubby to ring in the new year(I would call that a special occasion :)). Doing laundry today so the hubby and I can leave tomorrow for a surprise overnight in Burlington! I can't wait a great way to start the new year! He tells me we are going to a place where I can get a GF vegan pizza? That would be an awesome treat! 

The baby is taking a nap which she very much needed she was super whiney this morning, and I had had about enough. The kids go back to school tomorrow, though I do have to say they haven't been awful this vacation. I think having stuff for them to do in their rooms away from everyone(including each other) has helped. 

1. Today I will stay positive, and not let the negativity of everyday stress bring me down. 
2. I will be proud of the accomplishments I have achieved no matter how small. 
3. I will make the most of this day! 

I sun is shining, and I couldn't think of a more beautiful day to have started a new year! I just wish the snow would all melt and it would get warm :), though I think I have a little bit to wait for that.