Words

Some people would say that without family they don't know where they would be. Honestly, I think that holds true for most people. I used to think that held true for me as well, and it does when you talk about my family as my husband and my children. I've learned some things about my not so immediate family that is less then encouraging. I thought after years and years that I had grown numb to the guilt, and that there was no way that the shit that could be said could possibly get to me. I was wrong. I have no patience for two faced people especially two faced family members. It's true what they say that you can choose your friends, but you can't choose your family. I just for once want to be good enough, and not blamed for a past I can do nothing about. We all only live once, and that some people can't live for today but have to continue to live wishing they could change the past blows my mind. I'm not saying I'm perfect and that I don't make mistakes, but when I make them at least I acknowledge that I've messed up. 

I am just waiting for my next guilt trip, the next time I'm going to be made to feel bad about a past I can't change. My family comes first it always has and it always will. I don't plan on changing how I parent my kids, just because my parent can't accept the fact that she isn't and wasn't perfect either. I love without bounds, and do the very best that I can with what I have. I really think that's all a parent can do. I hope that when my kids get older and become adults that I learn how to transition to being their parent/friend and not treating them like they are still a child or make them feel bad that they have their own lives. Learning what to do and what not to do by watching others make mistakes is how I've become the Mom that I am right now. I'd like to think that I do a pretty good job, but for that you'd have to ask my kids. 

I hope this fog lifts and I can see the sunshine with unfiltered eyes, and that I can live and appreciate this day as if it were my last. Love with no bounds, and like this is the last day you will get to love. I think if we all said what we thought when we thought it instead of holding it in and letting it fester until we can't hold it in anymore we would be able to enjoy life's relationships better. 

Communication: the ability to convey ones thoughts and feelings in words to another, as well as listen to others thoughts and feelings. Understanding is key to successful communication and one can't communicate effectively without listening and understanding that their feelings are not the only ones that matter in the exchange. It's taken me literally years to learn how to communicate effectively, and I'm still not an expert. I just do the best I can with the skills that I have and hope that it's good enough. For most of the people in my life I do alright, but for some nothing I do will ever be enough. 

Music is great therapy I'm pretty sure that I have music playing from the time I get up till the time I go to bed, if I am home that is. Some songs make you want to dance, others make you want to cry, some even teach us something about ourselves. 

Now to decide, do I sit and wait or speak up and say what is really on my mind. I think I will wait till the first move is made, and then make my move from there. I am better then what I have been reduced to in the past. And with that I'm going to go live a better today!